apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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