Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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