Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
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Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
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this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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