Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
