I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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