well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The air was thick with penises
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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