yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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