Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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