Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
