Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
