Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
