It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
