Sponge bath it is.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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