Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
