well I can't set my house on fire every night
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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