Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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