Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
