ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
