You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
