I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
