That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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