dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
