Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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