so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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