how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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