somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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