I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
