I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
