If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
