corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
