So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
