Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
