Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
