just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
