Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I fill condoms, not promises.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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