I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize