i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We're too hungover to prance.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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