you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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