Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
