You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
