I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
