I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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