The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
