You smell like a Billy Joel song
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
