i would punch a child for taco bell
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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