tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
