What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
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so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
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Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
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