Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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