I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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