Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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