Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
