You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
this boner is exhausting
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
