so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
