If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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