So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
