Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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