I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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