i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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