are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
