We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
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stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
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I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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