i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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