i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
