I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
