Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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