that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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