I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
