you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
